This Feels So Unreal
by Seattle Baby
Summary: An alternate scene in 17 seconds, taking place directly after the bar scene lets just see what happens when Meredith and Dereks love is put to the test.
1. This Feels So Unreal, 1

**This is actually my first fanfic of Grey's anatomy, but I just didn't post it first, **

**Shonda OWNES these characters, ne?**

Meredith, Cristina, and Izzie sat at a small table at Joe's Bar, watching the two attendings across the room. Burke had stood up, glancing at Christina before looking back at the dart board, and throwing it as hard as he could, hitting almost dead center. "He is picturing my face. He is totally picturing that dart puncturing my skull," Cristina commented as Burke threw another dart at the board. He quickly walked to the dartboard, removing his three darts out of the board, for it was Derek's turn.

Burke held up arm in manly show-off manner, "Wooo look at that." Christina said mockingly as she held up her arm like Burke, looking back at Meredith and Izzie. He sat down, waiting for Derek to proceed, with a smile on his face.

Derek stood up next, taking a drink while glaring at Meredith before throwing his darts. It seemed as though anger had suddenly overcome him as he looked back at the dart board and threw with all his strength, hitting it straight on the bullseye. "Derek, Derek is picturing you," Izzie smiled, looking from McDreamy to Meredith, as he threw his second and third dart. The last one hit straight on the bullseye.

"He called me a whore. He lost the right to picture me," Meredith commented, almost complaining to Izzie, keeping her eyes on Derek.

"So I fall asleep during sex. So what? Ass!" Cristina complained with Meredith, looking from her friends to Burke. Meredith's eyes were still focused on Derek, "Ass!" She said, reffering to Derek. Just as Meredith finished her comment, Alex came strolling into the bar, coming straight to his fellow inters.

"Oh, ass! Hey." Izzie said quickly, and loudly to Alex as he approached.

"Isobel Stevens has finally left the hospital. Does this mean heart patient dude finally kicked it?" He commented, smiling.

Everyone, including Joe, who was standing near the girls at the time, was shocked and unprepared for this statement. They all awaited Izzie's response. She quickly recovered from the comment, "I'm sorry, this section of the bar is for surgeons. We don't socialize with gynecologists." Everyone laughs at Izzy's comment, looking at Alex. As the attention turns to him, he turns and leaves his friends. George comes into Joe's, holding Callie's hand as they sit down nest to the three inters.

"GEEORGE!" Izzie yells as she stands up, sloshing her drink in her hand. The other two great him whole heartidly as well. The three's smiles quickly are wiped off their face when they see Callie sit down as well, "Oh, hey," Izzie says softyly, sitting back down.

"Hi there Callie," Meredith says quietly as well. Christina says something inaudible as she sips her drink. Callie looks very uncomfortable as George orders them a drink.

Meredith looks back at Derek, he is still angrily throwing darts at the board, occasionaly glancing back at her. She stood up slowly, picking up her black jacket from the back of her seat, "I'm heading home." She reached her small fist into her jacket as she slid it onto her slender arms, pulling out some cash for her drinks. She set it softly at the tablebefore looking back at Derek one last time. "Ass," she said under her breath.

"Meredith, you can't leave me here, how am I supposed to get home?" The drunked Izzie exclaimed, sloshing her drink once more.

"Get a ride from Cristina or George, they got here by themselves." Meredith said, just wanting to get out of Derek's presence. She quickly left after this comment, fearing that Izzie would try to stop her again.

Izzie looked at Cristina, "Hell no, don't even thin about it," Cristina told her, as she got up and walked to another table. Izzie couldn't even imagine riding home with Callie and George. It made her sick to her stomach, just thinking about what they do together, "But Meredith, your drunk," Izzie told herself in a voice so low that only she could here.

**Ok, I know I just wrote that scene from the episode, but bear with me, I have some twists and turns!**


	2. This Feels So Unreal, 2

**A short one, I think you guys can handle it!**

Meredith walked slowly, in her drunken manner to her blue Jeep Cherokee. She fumbled slowly through her purse, looking for her keys. 'Why was he looking at me like that?' Meredith thought, 'He was actually looking at me like that! Like I was some horrible bimbo who ruined his life. Well, I didn't ruin his, he ruinedmine'. Once she had reached them, she fumbled once agin to actually get them into the car. Ok, why do I even care? He's an ass. A lying, cheating, good-for-nothing ass. He doesn't deserve anything but hatred!'

She finally fit the right key into the whole, after making a million scratches on the door of her jeep. "Ass." Slowly, she climbed into her car, and putting it into reverse, she began to drive home. The whole ride, all that Meredith could think about was Derek-- what he had said to her, the way he was acting toward her, and most importantly, the way he was looking at her. She stopped at a red light, placing her head in the steering wheel, "He's just a stupid ass, thats all," she chanted to herself quietly. 'A very sexy, amazing, intelligent, and successful ass... No! Meredith, snap out of it! He's married...He's an ass...' She turned the radio up, hoping that she would be able to drown out her own, uncontrollable thoughts of Derek. Taking a deep breath, she gently hit her head repeatedly on her steering wheel.

------------------------------------

Derek Threw on last dart, looking over once again, hoping to find Meredith staring straight at him. To his surprise, she was no longer sitting at the bar with the rest of the interns. Burke raised out of his seat, waiting for Derek to throw his last dart. "Come on Derek, we don't have all night." Burke insisted.

Derek looked at him as to say 'right' amd turned back to the board, but he couldn't throw it. He had lost all motivation to throw it. He wasn't winning. He wanted Meredith to be there, to see the resentment he was feeling toward her, and to show her how much pain and anger she had caused him. "Derek," Burke repeated.

"Right, sorry," Derek apologized in a soft voice. He looked back at the board to concentrate, which he was finding was unbelievably hard to do while Meredith was on the mind. He threw the dart, again with all of his strength. As he expected, the dart was far from the bullseye, in fact, Derek hadn't even hit the dartboard at all. He sighed heeavily, looking back at the almost confused looking Burke.

"That's been your worst throw all night!" Burk said, half smiling, "I'll beat that easily."

"Hmmm, good luck with that," Derek had already been slowly pulling his jacket over his arm. He glanced outside quickly, 'Great, it's raining'. He turned back to Burke, who had continue to throw his darts accurately and precisely at the board. His glance slowly shifted to Cristina, who was looking angrily straight at Burke. 'His motivation is Cristina,' Derek thought, glancing back and forth from either member of the couple, 'He still has his motivation.' He placed his payment on the table, next to Burke, knowing Burke would pay the rest. He picked up his things, before heading towards the door to leave.

"Hey...errrrm, Dr. Derek? No Shepherd!" Derek slowly turned around to find a drunken Izzie stubling towarrd him. "You know I reeeealy hate you right now!" This made Derek smile a little bit, he knew she was reffering to Meredith. "But you know what? Screw it! I love you right now because there is no way in hell that I am riding home between those two!" Izzie said pointing to Georga and Caliie, "Please, please, I beg you! And, I never beg!!"

Derek smiled again, looking down at Izzie, "Alright, but just this-" He was cut off by his pager, 'once, for Meredith.' He thought, finishing his sentence in his head as he looked down at his pager. "911,"He said softly under his voice.


	3. This Feels So Unreal, 3

**This is a little filler, kk? But, there is relevance! All Greys anatomy belongs to the wonderful Shonda Rhimes **

"911,"He said softly under his breath.

Derek was startled when he heard another beep, this time coming from the young lady next to him. She picked it up slowly, still drunk, "911?" She complained, "Man, can't people ever just take care of themselves? It's freaking eleven o'clock!" She tried standing up straight, previously slouching, arms reaching her knees. She cracked her back, turning slowly to the right, glancing at a small black purse on the counter.

A few more pagers went off in the bar, including Burke's, Cristina's, George's, and even Callie's, all reading 911. Izzie, startled from her gaze at the purse, sighed, leaning back on Derek's arm, "Damn. . . This can't be good."

As the doctors rushed to the hospital, they were greated by many other interns and nurses. Well, if running around like a bunch of chikens with their heads cut off, practically shoving you to the ground meant greating. Izzie quickly jumped out of her drunken stuper, as she knew something really juicy had just happened. Derek and Burke were first to run to change, while the interns were awestruck with the chaos in the building. They had rarely seen anything like it. "Let's go let's go!" Bailey yelled loudly, comming toward her interns. George was the first to hustle to the lockers, followed by Izzie, Cristina, and Alex. "Where the hell is Grey?" She yelled at the four, turning to see that they were already gone, "Better not be drunk again."

"Somebody tell me what we have!" Burke yelled at the panicked nurses, as Derek joined him.

"A large accident sir," the nurse responded, "Involving two vehicles, one small the other large, as well as a bus full of citizens. Head on collision, and a tipped bus, swerving to avoid the crash. All citizens on the bus, excluding the driver, are in stable condition. The other two weren't so lucky. One, umm," she glanced quickly at a chart, "Kirtus Green, age 49, was wearing his seatbelt. Unfortunately, he broke both of his legs and fractured his spine in three different places."

"And the other?" Burke inquired as he took the chart away from the nurse, "Who is that? And how are they doing?"

"We are unsure, Dr. Burke. There was no ID found with the woman. Early to mid thirties, I think is what they said. She wasn't so lucky. She was not wearing a seatbelt, and delt some serious blows to the head. They are thinking TBI."

"Traumatic Brain Injury," Derek chimed in.

"Thats right Dr. Shepherd, right where you come in." She smiled to him. He slightly smiled back, this was going to be a long night.

----------------------------------

The interns ran quickly to Bailey, dressed in their clean, crisp, blue scrubs. "O'malley, you sticking with me today, Karev, you will be assisting Dr. Burke in his surgeries, Izzie and Cristina, pitt."

George quickly followed Bailey at the heels as she walked away. Alex turned arround, smiling at Izzie, "Have fun today," He quicly turned around and head toward the OR, meeting Dr. Burke.

"Ass," Izzie repeated from the conversation not too long ago.

Cristina sighed slightly, glancing at Izzie, "Oh shut up," she said before turning around, running to the pitt.

The pitt was as, if not more hectic than the rest of the hospital. There was patients constantly coming in from the bus wreck. Some problems more serious than others, Izzie and Cristina fought to find the best one. Patients moaned and gasped, some coughing blood, while other waited patioently on their beds. It was an inters dream come true.

Burke approached Kurtis Green in his hospital bed. He placed his hand gently on his shoulder, "How are you doing there, Mr. Green?"

"Oh, fine, just swell," he said, shifting his eyes at Burke. His head was placed into a cast for support, it was very likely he could injure his back even more if he were to move his head. "I amgoing to be ok, right?" He asked kindly and sincerely.

"There is no need to worry, Mr. Green, we are going to fix you right up." Alex just made it into the room as Burke finished his sentence. "This is Dr. Karev, we is going to be with you for the next couple of minutes, taking you through all of the necessary proceedured."

"Oh, thank you so much,"Kurtis said, "Please, please call my wife, and my daughter. I have three of them you know! Only one is old enough to go off on her own though. She's pregnant, did you know that? She just told us yesterday!" Kurtis smiled as a tear came to his eye, "I'm finally going to be a grandfather!"

Burke smiled, slowly taking his hand off of his patients shoulder, "Thats wonderful." He turned to leave, nodding at Alex as he left, "Take care of him." Alex quickly nodded as he picked up Kurtis Green's chart, making his way to the bed.

Meanwhile, Izzie and Cristina both raged in competing patients. One would always choose one slightly better than the other, as the citizens came through the hospital doors. "Last one," A medic said, rolling one last patient through the doors. He was a large man, with a short comb-over, and lightly bleached eyebrows. one hand was wrapped securely, preventing bleeding, while the other was wrapped around a foot-long hot dog. Izzie and Cristina both looked at him, then each other, and then back to him.

"Good luck with it!" Cristina exclaimed to Izzie, before darting away with her previous patient.

"Wait! Cristina- you can't-Why?-Cristina! You can't just-"she glanced back up at the old, fat man, "Leave me with this."

A medic rushed back into the room, looking straight at Izzie, "Are you his doctor?"

Sighing heavily, Izzie had no other choice, "Yeah, thats me, Dr. Stevens."

"Glad I caught you before you left," he said handing her two red ice-chests, "Here's his finger. . . and here's his leg."

She quickly lit up at the statement that she had just heard. It was like music to Izzie's ears, "Alrighty then, let's go!" She said, this time almost over-enthusiastically.

Passing by Cristina, she smiled, holding up the two ice chests. "Damn you," Cristina mumbled to her. As always, Cristina wanted the better case, which she had just given up. Finishing her sentence, screams came from behind the two interns.

"Move! Move! Out of the way!" Two medics yelled at Cristina and Izzie as they ran straight through them.

"Man do I wish I had that case." Izzie said, more to Cristina than herself. The two male medics had just rushed a young lady right passed Izzie and Cristina. They were headed straight for an OR with the worst looking patient at the hospital. "Damn, it's even a better case than mine!" She glanced over at Cristina, who was stopped dead in her tracks. "Cristina?" Cristina's jaw hung open, as she stared at the group that had just passes. "Cristina, whats up?" Izzie sounded now more worried than curious.

"That was Meredith." Cristina choked.


	4. This Feels So Unreal, 4

**Ok, haha, I tried to leave a little cliffy on the last one!!! Did it work? oO**

**I sure hope soooooooooooo!**

Izzie stood in silence as she stared at Cristina in shock. "Dr. Stevens!" A nurse said loudly, trying to get her attention, "Your patient!"

"Dr. Yang." the other said to Cristina.

"Don't worry Cristina, it isn't her. It coudln't be her. Not Meredith," Izzie whispered to Cristina, "She woudn't do this. Not anything like this, not to us."

Cristina knew that the woman who had just rolled by was Meredith, but she let Izzie 'convince' her that it wasn't. She had work. Hard work. Saving lives- and a lot of them at that, especially tonight. Hesitiating only a few seconds, Cristina and Izzie quickly got back to work, with their minds still on Meredith. As Izzie's patient was rolled into OR3, she rushed to OR2 to meet Bailey. George was there with her, both in the middle of their surgery, working on a very injured patient.

"Uhmm, Dr. Uhm, Bailey, we have an-a-a-an," Izzie coudn't think straight at the moment.

"Spit it out Stevens!" Her boss interrupted, "We don't have all day!" She said, continuing her surgery. "If it's anything about a surgery, your on your own for today. There is too many patients, and not enough hands to work on them. Now, this doesn't happen very often, so don't screw this up, and don't make me mad. Am I clear?"

Normally, Izzie would have been ecstatic, and happy to jump into this case. She would be able to preform her own surgery-one that she was in charge of, that she knew how to do. But, her mind was currently on a different matter. Her palms began to sweat, as her fear and axiety rose. 'Was it really her? It couldn't have been! Cristina must have been seeing things. Yeah, she must have been.' Izzie though to herself.

"Stevens! What are you still doing here? Your patient needs you, go!" Bailey told Izzie, turning her head for only a second. George watched as Izzie fearfully opened her mouth. She wanted to say something, he knew it, but he just didn't know what.

"Dr. Bailey, I can't. I must humbly refuse. Right now, I just can't."

Dr. Bailey, as well as some other surgeons, including George, stopped, and looked at Izzie. Tears began to fall from her face. Realitly had just kicked her in the ass. Hard. Meredith was going into surgery, possibly suffering from TBI, and she surely didn't look good when she saw her being rolled into the OR. She pulled her mask down from her face, letting her tears fall to the ground. She paused, for just a moment, "I'm sorry, I can't." Izzie quickly left the room.

"O'malley, finish this up," Baliey commanded, "Looks like I have another surgery to preform."

Bailey left the room quickly, leaving George in the middle of surgery. All eyes were left on him. He began to be nervous. He began to sweat, alost losing the tools in his hands. "Continue the second incision," He recovered. All eyes left him, and returned to the patient on the table. He took a deep breath and continued his surgery.

Dr. Bailey rushed to OR3 to take care of her new patient. She saw Izzie sitting against the wall with her head in her hands. "I donno what's wrong with you. And frankly, I don't care! You pulled me out of my OR. Because of what? Your a little scared to do a few cuts by yourself? That is pathetic Stevens! You are a surgeon! A SUR-GEON. You are not a nuse, an anesthesiologist, you are not a gynaecologist! You are a real doctor, what the hell is your problem?" Bailey waited for a response, but got none,"You know what? You are just too much to deal with right now! So, if you'll excuse me, I have a surgery to attend to!" Bailey yelled at Izzie as she passes, "And don't think your off the hook! You will be punished!"

Bailey stomped away as Izzie began to sob uncontrollably. She barely even heard what her boss had said-she was worried about Meredith. Sure, they didn't always have a great relationship, in fact, they didn't have much of one period. But, she couldn't help but feel anything but compassion and love for her. They were friends, and that was it. Izzie couldn't help but wonder how Cristina felt. They were just about best friends.

-----------------------

Cristina eneterd the last OR with her patient. She glances about, but saw no Shepherd, no Bailey, and no Burke. "Wh-where are the surgeons?" Cristina asked, almost scared.

"That would be you Dr. Yang. Today, this is your OR, and welcome to it." A fellow doctor smiled to her.

"Oh," Cristina took a deep breath, "Ok, yeah, thats great" She commented, almost sarcastically. She knew what she had to do. Cristina remembered what Izzie had said, and stuck that into her head-it was the only way that she could preform surgery. She was by herself, that was pressure enough. "Ok," she sighed once more as they began the surgery.

-------------------- meanwhile

Meredith was quickly rushed into the already prepped OR. Everything was in position. She needed the surgery as soon a possible, there was only one thing missing -- her doctor. Derek washed his hands thoroughly before entering the OR. He had tried to see who this mystery woman was, but it was nearly impossible. Her face was hidded behind the makeup of blood. She had too many cuts and bruises throughout her body to be able to tell who it was - or so he thought. He walked around the patients table, smiling at the other doctors in the room with him. He was readily prepared for the surgery.

"Is everybody ready for this?" Derek asked, almost cheerfully, before looking back down at his patient.

He was stunned. He could tell in a split second who it was. Derek dropped his scalpel on the floor. Through every cleaned cut and bruise, he could see Meredith's perfect face. He wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to just stay by her side, and let someone else operate. But then again, he was the best nuerosergeon that he knew. And he wanted the best for Meredith. Derek just wasn't sure how he could operate. Too many things would be running through his head at once.

"Dr. Shepherd?," Another doctor awaited patiently, as he picked up Derek's scalpel, "Is everything ok Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek quicky wiped the sweat off of his forehead, and his sweaty palms on his scrubs, "Yes, yes, everything is fine. Dr. Johnson, please go fill out a report for this patient. . . her name. . . her name is Meredith Grey."

Dr. Johnson nodded his head and quickly exited the room. All of the doctors in the OR knew who Meredith was because she was Ellis Grey's daughter, so they began to feel some pressure. But, they hadn't realized the pressure Derek was going through. He loved Meredith, and he didn't even have the guts to tell her. His stomach dropped like a bowling ball. He couldn't help but feel nervous operating on her, but he had to do the best that he could-it was Meredith afterall.

"Scalpel," Derek repeated.

**So, yeeeaaaah, here it is!**


	5. This Feels So Unreal, 5

**Back to Derek and Meredith!!!! (( There will be a lot more of them in the next xhapter though ;) ))**

Meredith's surgery took longer than usual, Derek taking no chances on messing up. By the time he was done, and he left the OR, the hospital had settled down. Surgery's were done, and most of the passengers were even on their way home. As Derek glanced down the hall, he saw Bailey approaching Izzie, and now Cristina too sitting on the wall. She did not look happy, and he knew why. But he also knew how upset Izzie and Cristina were. He ran down the hall, passed the two inters, catching Bailey before she apprached them.

"Leave them be," Derek said in a calm, soft voice. He still had not yet recovered from seeing Meredith how she was.

"Shepherd, if you knew what was best for you, you would step out of my way," Bailey demanded in a higher voice. This raised the heads of Izzie and Cristina. They were almost curious as to what Derek would do.

Surprising the three of them, Derek gripped Bailey's arm tightly with one hand before she could leave. He now spoke in a low, but menacing voice, "No Bailey!" He raised his voice even higer than hers, "Leave them be! Trust me, do not, I repeat, do Not gives these girls any shit! Right now, you have absolutely no idea what is going on with them, and I do. And I say that you have no right to scold, punish, nag, or abuse these girls, do I make myself clear?!" He finished his sentence strong and loud. He had gotten so fired and angry that his face had turned red. He still gripped her arm tightly, as she looked up at him. Bailey wasn't sure what had happened, but it was definitely important. She had never seen Derek so angry, especially in the hospital.

"Yes sir," She whispered quietly, walking in the other direction.

Derek placed his hands on his hips as he looked around for a few seconds. Izzie and Cristina continued to look at him, suprised to see such an angry side of Dr. Derek Shepherd. He turned their way, looking straight forward, rather than down at the two sitting on the wall. With his left hand, he swept his face, lifting it higher as he took off his bandana as his right index finger and thumb massaged his temples for a few seconds. He placed his hands back on his hips, this time with the bandana in hand, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes, looking at the ceiling as a tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly, even though both Izzie and Cristina had seen it. "She should be fine," he managed to choke out, walking away quickly down the hall toward her room.

They both took a deep breath, Izzie hanging her head in between her legs, and Cristina's hitting the wall. George was walking slowly down the hall to their direction. His head was hung low, and he collapsed next to Cristina, "How long have you known?" He asked.

"We saw her come in," Cristina said, fighing back the tears that were thretening to come pouring down. She leaned her head on George's shoulder, hoping that it would surpress her tears. George layed his head back onto hers, as Izzie leaned on Cristina's other shoulder. George felt his shoulder getting a little warmer, and damp. Izzie brushed through Cristina's hari with her hand, shushing her softly.

Derek wandered around the hospital for hours, trying to avoid Meredith's room. He was too afraid that a controversey would start. But it was late, and he was dying to see how she was doing, it had been almost a whole day since the crash. He finally couldn't take it any longer, and he quickly headed to her room. As he arrived, he noticed that her door was slighlty ajar. He hoped that no one else was in there. He pushed the door slowly, it creaking lightly as he did. Her lights were off, and she lay peacefully in her bed.

"Oh Meredith," He whispered so lightly, barely audible, as he entered the room.

-----------------

It was late, a little past midnight, and Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was wandering the halls, looking for her 'lost' husband. As she glaced down one hall, she spotted the group of interns sitting against the wall. She knew - by now, everybody knew, even Bailey, who haden't been seen since her small encounter with Derek. Well, Addison knew that Meredith was ok, and she was going to be ok, so she figured it would be ok to question them about her husband's whereabouts. She approached them slowly, and cautiously.

"I heard about what happened," She said softly to the interns as she stopped in front of them, "I am so sorry" she whispered, kneeling down to their level.

Nothing but George's eyes moved. They shifted up to look at her, sadly. "She's going to be ok." George whispered back.

"I know," Addison nodded smiling kindly.

"I know, because Dr. Shepherd told us so." He said, ignoring her comment.

Now Addison knew - George have given her the answer without her having to even ask. He was with Meredith, "Yeah, he told me too," she lied, standing up. Derek couldn't stay at the hospital all night -- she would go pick him up now, and he could come back early in the morning. "Thank you," Addison said, walking off, trying to find her husband.

**Sorry so short! The next update I will try to make longer, no?**


	6. This Feels So Unreal, 6

**So this one didn't end up as long as I thought, sorry! **

**These beautiful characters have been brought to you by the letter S and the word Shonda. Thank you.**

"Oh Meredith," Derek whispered so lightly, barely audible, as he entered the room. He walked quietly to her bedside, placing one of his hands under hers. She had been cleaned up a little bit better now. She had no more glass or asphault on her, and more blood was cleaned off of her face. It killed Derek inside to see her like that. To add onto his suffering, he had just been in a fight with her; he regretted every look, every bad word he said to Meredith that night - and overall, ever. He thought about the time that they used to have, before Addison, and he wished he could have it all back. He wiped his nose and eyes quickly with his coat, leaving his eyes closed, looking at the ceiling, continuing to reminice on what they had together.

The worst part was Derek wasn't even sure that she was ok -- he had just told that to the interns to keep them quiet. For all he knew, she could die any second. "Mer, just please," Derek began, whispering still, "Just please wake up soon." He kissed her hand before setting it down and turning to leave.

"Derek?" He heard a small, frail voice come from behind him. Derek whirled around and rushed back to her side, tears in his eyes.

"Mer, oh Mer, your ok."

She nodded, ever so slightly, as she took his hand in hers. Her grip was weak still, she was tired, but Derek still held onto her hand tightly. "Why are we doing this?" She asked him in a calm whisper.

"Doing? Doing what Meredith?" He asked with a sweet smile on his face.

"This. This right here Der."

Derek tilted his head and confusion, continuing to listen.

"We're just hurting ourselves, Derek. Killing ourselves from the inside out." She replied sadly, "You with Addison, me wanting you, you flirting back. It's just leading into disaster after disaster."

Derek nodded slowly, not necessarily agreeing with her, but just to know that she knew he was listening.

"Derek," Meredith began again, this time with tears in her eyes, "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to feel this way. It hurts. Really bad. Lets just restart."

"-Start?" Derek replied; the re- being cut off by his scratchy voice, trying to prevent himself from crying. He was on the verge of tears, just listening to what she said. He knew what this meant.

"Yes, Restart," Meredith said, ever so soflty, "Then it won't hurt anymore."

A tear slid down Derek's cheek onto Meredith's hand.

"Can we do that Derek?" Her voice scratchy, on the verge of tears as well.

"Yes," Came his reply, soft, yet scratchy.

"And just pretend, just pretend like this all never happened?"

"Yes."

"Will you do that for me?"

"Yes."

"Ok," Came the softest reply yet, the words 'Thank you, Derek' were then more lipped than said.

Derek slowly leaned down to Meredith's forehead and whispered, "Goodbye Meredith." As he kissed it softly, still holding tightly onto her hand.

"Goodbye Derek."


	7. This Feels So Unreal, 7

Addison watched in horror as derek leaned down to give Meredith a kiss. It had felt as though a bowling ball had been dropped into the bottom of her stomach. Her body suddenly felt heavy, as her spirit, hope, and love shattered. Sure, it was just a kiss on the forehead. What made it so unbelievable unbearable was that it was Derek and Meredith. If it were anybody else, anyone else in the world other than Meredith Grey, Addison would have blown it off like it was nothing. But no, it was Meredith. The woman that her husband had fallen in love with. In love! Derek had actually told her to her face that he loved Meredith Grey.

She feared that something was about to start. Maybe not this second, hell, maybe not even in the next few months, or maybe even years. But sooner or later, sooner or later, it would all go back to Derek and Meredith. Addison held in all of her feelings, putting up a cold and defensive front; she clenched her fists, taking a deep breath and letting it out quietly, making sure that Derek and Meredith could not hear her. She decided it was best if she left, maybe met up with Derek when he came out of her room. She could confront him later if she likes, or bring it up in a losing arguement. Although it wouldn't do her much good because Derek had so much more leverage on her, she knew it would stop him dead in his tracks. In fact, whenever he thought about Meredith he would stop, acting as though the world and even time itself had stopped to allow his thoughts to consume him.

Addison quickly snapped out of her stupor, and quickly realized that Derek would soon be exiting the room. He had stood up, and smiled warmly at Meredith for a few seconds, before turning to leave. At this point, she abandoned her post at the door, swiftly running around the corner before Derek had even seen her. She leaned against the wall, sliding gently to the floor as she clasped her face in her hands.

Unfortunately for her, Dr. Mark Saloan had seen the whole thing. He was sitting at the desk across from Meredith's room, doing paperwork when he saw Derek enter Meredith's room. Knowing that he could easily bring the situation up to Addison, he payed close attention to his body language and hand movements. Shortly thereafter, he noticed Addison coming down the hall. Of course, the first thing tht ran through his head was to bring Derek's current location to her attention. As he stood up, Addison began to slow down, nearing Meredith's room. Mark, noticing her realization of where her husband was, stayed in his place. He watched as Addisons shoulder's dropped, her body even seemed to almost go limp at one point. He thought about comforting her, and confronting Derek, but Addison suddenly stood up straight again, taking a deep breath. Shortly after her breath, she turned and ran down the hall. He watched her run down the hall, until she dissapeared behind a corner. As he looked back at the room, he noticed that Derek hadn't even realized that Addison was there.

Exiting the room, Derek placed his hand on the doorframe, looking in at Meredith one last time. He sighed deeply, before heading down the hall, in the opposite direction of his wife. Mark took this time to rush quickly down the hall, looking for his beloved Addison. He came to a quick halt when he saw her sitting against the wall, her knees pulled to her chest, and her face in her hands.

"Oh, Addie," he whispered softly, although loud enough for her to hear. She looked at him innocently, tears in her eyes; Mark felt so sorry for her, she deserved better than what Derek could give her. Mark knew Derek was a good guy, caring and thoughtful, but he also "knew" that Derek's priorities were all wrong and out of place. He sat down against the wall next to Addison, pulling her into his arms, "It'll be ok Addie, don't worry. Everything will turn out right."

-------------------------- Later

Meredith woke back up, unknowing that it was a few days later. Her eyelids were still heavy, begging her to let them close, and rest for the rest of the day. She took a deep breath, glancing about her room. It had been decorated with gifts and embellishments of all types. Bright pink signs hung across rom her bed, 'Get well soon' written on them in an almost flourescent yellow. She was surrounded with teddy bears, chocolates, magazines, flowers, alcohol, get well baskets, as well as other stuffed and sweet goods. She suddenly didn't feel so sleepy as she sat up carefully to examine the wonderful allowance that her friends had bestowed upon her. Her head felt somewhat dizzy as she sat up, her body aching in everyway possible. Her sleeping all day hed made her body as stiff as hell. She sat up straight, twisting from side to side in attempt to relieve hher back pains. Meredith cracked as many joints as possible, trying to relieve every last ounce of stress that pounded on her small frame.

Picking up one of the many stuffed bears on the counter next to her, Meredith read the tag, Meredith, We're really worried about you! Oh! And George still won't but tampons! Well, anyways, please get better soon. -Izzie P.s. Try some of the muffins, they're good, I baked them chock-full of love! She smiled at Izzie's innocence, and wished that she could have what Izzie had- freedom. She wanted freedom from Derek, or at least with Derek, either way she could handle.

She continued looking through everything, curious as to who brought her what, but more importantly- who brought her anything at all. Although denying it in her head, she was deperately looking for a gift from Derek. She ran past Dr. Webber, Cristina, George, and even Alex Dr. Burke, and Bailey, but no Derek. Maybe the conversation that they had was just too much for him - she couldn't see why, afterall he did choose hid wife over her.

'He has no right to be mad,' Meredith thought, trying with all of her heart to convince herself of that statement, 'Does he?'

Taking another long deep breath, Meredith closed her eyes, looked up, and placed her head against the wall. There was just too many things going on - with her, with Derek, with everyone - but mostly Derek. No matter how hard she tried, the thought of him wouldn't leave. She wanted one of two thing desperately right no, either the power to get rid of her thoughts of Derek, or maybe simply the power to get rid of Addison. She found herself smiling slightly at the concept before quickly erasing it from her mind. She cleared her throat, lifting her head back off of the wall, melting back into reality. She couldn't help but laugh once more at her previous thought; it was just too wonderful.

"What's so funny, whore?" Cristina walked into the door, teasing Meredith; although she held a serious front, Meredith knew that she loved her, and was just messing with her brain. After smiling at her, Cristina finally gave in and smiled back, "Scoot over."

Meredith did as she was told, moving as Cristina almost shoved her over, and out of the bed. "Your pretty popular this week you know that?" She asked Meredith, almost sarcastically.

"I need support Cristina, and not just any old support, real support, you know, like real friends give?" Meredith complained, sitting up and sitting next to Cristina.

"Ok, what did McDreamy do this time? You didn't . . . you know do the nasty-nasty again or anything did you? Not in this bed at least, right?"

"Cristina!" Meredith collapsed backed down into the rough hospital sheets, "Thats not the support I need!" She turned over in the sheets, burying her head into the pillow, now mumbling to herself.

"Ok, I'll give you the support,"

"Really?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Ok, enough of the self pity trip Meredith! So you got in a crash, so you had a surgery, so you still want inside McDreamy's scrubs-"

"I do not! I Do not want inside Derek's scrubs."

"Ok, whatever," Cristina said, letting her win, "Liar." She squeased in quietly before Meredith shot her a death glance. She started back up quickly, "Thats not the point. Check out tonight, go to Joe's, get drunk, and do your innaproriate dude thing. Believe me, you need it."

Cristina took a bottle of alcohol off of the desk next to Meredith and opened it. She quickly drank it down; Meredith just looked at her, "I do not need it, I am fine!"

"Look, Meredith. Go. My advice for the year. Go. Get drunk, and do somethng stupid, ok? Anything! Just do it. And thank McDreamy for not cutting all of your hair off. Don't know how he pulled off that trick, but he did it."

Meredith hadn't noticed, let alont thought of the fact that her hair was supposed to be gone. Touching her head, she could feel the bandages. Her hands searched frantically, trying to prove Cristina right. She finally reached around the back of her head and beside her ears. He hadn't cut it off. She smiled to herself, remembering when he used to smell her hair whenever they were together; it had to have been the reason. Derek cared for her, she wasn;t sure exactly how-she didn't want to jusmp to conclusions, but he did nonetheless.

Cristina's beeper went off. She looked at it, and then back to Meredith, "Thats Burke, gotta go. She quickly climbed out of Meredith's bed, turning around before she exited the room, "Go. Get drunk. Have fun. Feel better. Thats all the support I've ever given, and I ever will give. You tell anyone I went soft on you, and you'll be back in here within the next two days." Meredith smiled at Cristina, thanking her in her head; as Cristina reached the doorframe, she turned around one last time, "Get better Mer. Soon." They both smiled at each other as she left her room.

Meredith let out one last sigh, cuddling up in her blankets, and thinking on Derek.


	8. This Feels So Unreal, 8

**A short chapter, sorry guys! The song is 'This Love' by Maroon 5, beautiful song, might I add, I love it. MerDer forever! Italicslyrics, no?  
**

_I was so high I did not recognize  
The fire burning in her eyes  
The chaos that controlled my mind  
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane  
Never to return again  
But always in my heart_

They drove in silence back to Meredith's house. He knew she was drunk, and he didn't want anything to happen. Well, actually he did, but he was sure that Meredith did. Glancing over at her about every minute, her head remained in its place, against the window, her eyes wandering and scaning the city lights. All Derek could do was smile. She looked so peaceful and serene while she stared out the window.

Following every light that she could with her eyes, Meredith began to develop a headache. Absinthe and bright lights just do not mix. She felt like throwing up, but held it in her mouth, realizing that she was in Derek's car rather that ner own. Placing her hand on her head, she pulled away from the window, her hair still slightly sticking to it, and leaned back in her seat. She wanted to get home soon before she lost control. Urges swarmed her body; she wanted to touch him so badly, kiss him everywhere in anyway that she could. Grabbing his hand with her other, she clenched it tightly, hoping that it would help with her dirty intentions. Unfortunately, it didn't. He squeezed her hand back, just as hard, if not harder without hesitation.

_This love has taken it's toll on me  
She said goodbye too many times before  
And her heart is breaking in front of me  
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore_

Meredith and Derek both made it all the way to her driveway with simply holding hands. He let out a deep sigh as he placed the car in park, turning the ignition off. Meredith could only do the same, still clenching his hand with her own, and fer forehead with her other. They sat there together, momentarily, in the quiet safety of his car. He looked over at Meredith, only to find her staring straight back at him. She took her hand off of her head, placing it gently on her own lap. No sound, no noise disturturbed them as they gazed intently at each other.

Sighing once more, Derek broke their gaze to look at the house, "You should go in. It's late. George and Izzie will be looking for you."

She continued her stare, now at the side of his head, waiting for him to return it once more, "George and Izzie are both on call tonight." Now looking back at Meredith, he knew this wasn't going to turn out well. He knew what she was thinking, and he was thinking the same. He didn't want to be, but he was. He decided that he was _not_ going to go inside with her, or was he? His eyes shot to and fro looking at every single thing in the car, trying to make up his mind. He wanted her so badly, but it would be so wrong. "Derek," she whispered softly, trying to regain his attention. It worked -- his eyes shot straight back to hers. She looked sleepy, almost sad, and definently drunk, but so beautiful. He couldn't take his eye off of her. "Derek," she bagan again, still whispering, "I'm afraid, will you walk me up to the door?"

_I'll fix these broken things  
Repair your broken wings  
And make sure everything's alright  
My pressure on her hips  
Sinking my fingertips  
Into every inch of you  
Cause I know that's what you want me to do_

Seeing no harm in simply walking her up to the house, he nodded, hesitating to let go of her hand. It felt too right to be wrong. Opening the door, he quickly rushed to the other side of the car, opening it for Meredith before she had the chance to do it herself. He took her by the hand once more and led her up to the front door of her house. "Are you sure that you will be ok alone tonight?" His thoughts accidentaly slipping out of his mouth.

She smiled at him, tilting her head and biting her bottom lip. He couldn't help but smile back, she was just so adorable. "No," was her giddy response. Still smiling, he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her inside. Quickly locking the door, and leaving all of the light off, they led each other up to Meredith's room, while showering each other with kisses and attention.


End file.
